If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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