And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
