If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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