A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
