we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
