dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
