shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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