I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
