I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
