what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
