we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
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