My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
