Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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