I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
