So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I look better un-naked...
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So much rum. So many feels.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Drunk is a universal language darling
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
