Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
