you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
