There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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