she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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