why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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