WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
