I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
