He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
two words...techno handjob
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
