Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
