It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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