The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
