Pants 0. Shit 1.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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