Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
