...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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