My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
