Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
this hospital has no fireball
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
