meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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