Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
