man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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