And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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