So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
