How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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