We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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