the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
