____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Damn victory sex feels great
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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