I look better un-naked...
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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