Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
