I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
