Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
