No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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