I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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