oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
