Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
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