yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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