Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
