I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Randomize
