I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
