Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
