I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
