she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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