Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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